I have to apologize for the absence. Real life sort of got in the way, and I have been drawing- I've just been too lazy to scan stuff in. I am also wondering if posting huge vomiting globs of art on this place is the wisest idea. There's something nice about the neatness of a 'finished' piece per post. That and the fact that everything prior to this is just rather ugly and messy. Facebook might be a better place to post all the unfinished stuff, or the studies and half finished things that I am prone to doing and leaving behind.

I am still working on the portfolio for the scholarship application. This has been some kind of long, protracted, creative torture. Drawing everyday has made me better, yes. But am I as good as I would like to be? No. Very far from it. Am I good enough to get this scholarship? I have no idea. They likely do not expect professional calibre work- after all, why else would this be a scholarship for a class? And yet I look at myself and that is what I want to see, and tell myself that if it is anything less I will not get it.

I also realize that not getting this is not the end of the world. But prior to this I've never put my stuff out there to be scrutinzed, judged and analyzed. By people who have no idea of who I am, or where I come from, or what I've done and not done. It is rather frightening.

But as mentioned in a conversation with a very dear friend, there is nothing else. This is, I believe, truly part and parcel of the creative process. This striving to be better. On the good days it is a drive that pushes you beyond what you normally would be able to do. On the bad days it eats at your morale and convinces you that you will NEVER be where you want to be.

Maybe someday I'll learn to find that balance.

Art will be in the next post. That I promise.